Wrestlemania 35 is this coming weekend, and long-time readers of this blog (all three of you) know I’m a big pro wrestling fan, and I would give my left arm to write for WWE. That said, I still have both arms attached, and here’s how I would book Wrestlemania 35.
Rollins over Lesnar – with Shield help, and then Reigns turns heel and attacks Rollins and Ambrose, going into business for himself. – “you only cheer me when I announce I have leukaemia? I don’t need your cheers. I’ve been doing this for a long time with you all hating me, and I never needed your approval. I’m doing things my way.” Rollins is Universal champ, Reigns is coming after the belt that HE NEVER LOST. Have him really do a number on Ambrose, make Reigns injure Ambrose so badly he can’t wrestle anymore (Ambrose is leaving).
Styles over Orton – with the Club’s help, officially putting together the faction. (Gallows and Anderson aren’t doing anything anyway). Have Styles push his indie cred, his time in Japan with G&A, say the WWE was desperate to bring him in, he built Smackdown and he’s got his friends with him to keep running the place. Have Styles use Gallows and Anderson as enforcers. Establish the Club as the top heel faction in the company.
Becky Lynch vs Charlotte Flair vs Ronda Rousey – Becky HAS to go over here, no matter what. If she and Charlotte have to team up to take out Ronda, make it seem like they’re friends again, and then Charlotte turns on Becky, who fights back from underneath to win, the ultimate underdog officially becomes THE MAN. This one writes itself, just let it play out how it’s been playing out. Now that both women’s belts are on the line, Becky still has to win here. Don’t overthink it.
Triple H vs Batista – this has to be Triple H’s last match. He keeps getting hurt. He’s still a great performer, but he needs to pull back on the in-ring stuff to focus on the production – look how awesome NXT is, give HHH more rope in WWE to run the program. Have a lot of interference here – the newly HOF-inducted DX can show up, have Flair show up, but still give the win to Batista – especially since HHH put his career on the line, it gives him a fitting end to his time. Although Triple H won’t book himself to lose…
Miz vs Shane McMahon – the Miz’s dad gets involved somehow, distracting Shane, or taking a shot at him, letting the Miz take advantage. Or something, I’m not sure I care. The Miz is one of the best heels in the business, why they’re making him the babyface here is beyond me. I have a hard time caring about this one, even if Shane jumps off of something high.
Kurt Angle vs Baron Corbin – ugh. Okay, so bell rings, Angle drops Corbin, taps him out to the ankle lock right away. Angle stands there, thoroughly unimpressed that this is his last match. Gets on the mic, gives an open challenge to anyone in the back, Cena’s music hits, and the match that the entire WWE universe wants to see happens. You HAVE to end Angle’s career on a high note, not some garbage match with some garbage opponent.
Daniel Bryan vs Kofi Kingston – during the match, The New Day is there to take out Rowan and stop him from interfering, but out comes Harper, joining forces with Rowan and Bryan. Let Kofi go over, give him the big win (Bryan has had the big WM win before), but out of it forms the Bryan Family – Bryan, Rowan and Harper, Daniel Bryan’s new cult-like faction. The trio can feud against the New Day for a while, give some good 3-on-3 matches.
Roman Reigns vs Drew McIntyre – I think McIntyre has to go over here. Reigns gets no momentum from beating the Scot, but Drew can really propel himself into the elite class of superstar, where he belongs. Once Rollins is Universal Champ, McIntyre can focus his sights on the title – although he would be a believable opponent for Lesnar should they decide to keep the strap on him. Anyway, McIntyre should go over to give him a good push. Maybe have a returning Dolph Ziggler show up to help McIntyre win? However, it’s unlikely that Reigns will be booked to lose at Mania. He’s still their biggest star, so in reality, he probably wins this.
Bobby Lashley vs Finn Balor – let Lashley go over, let him brutalize Balor so badly, even after the bell, that he needs someone to come save him – enter Gallows, Anderson and Styles coming to the rescue. Put the Bullet Club back together. Let them be the number one heel faction in WWE. More obviously, Demon Balor will come out, and maybe scare Lashley? Again, I have a hard time caring about this one. Just get the belt off of Lesnar so Balor can move back into the Universal Title picture.
Samoa Joe vs Rey Mysterio – Joe cannot lose here. He’s been very dominant since he won the belt, including dominating Mysterio, so he needs to go over. Mysterio doesn’t need a title, and he’s respected and established enough that a loss to Joe gives Joe the right kind of push. Joe needs to remain dominant – give him the win here, and then have him set his sights on the WWE Title once Kofi wins it – even at the cost of disrespecting the US title, but have Joe throw down the US title in search of the big belt.
Banks/Bayley vs Beth Phoneix/Natalya vs Jax/Tamina vs Iconics – Jeez, way to cram as many women into one match as possible. I think Sasha and Bayley lose the belts here, but not sure to whom. Do they want to give Beth Phoenix a little title run? Not sure. The obvious safe bet is Nia Jax and Tamina, but the problem with giving them the belts is the same problem with having Brock Lesnar as champ – who can realistically beat them? Although this is pro wrestling, realism is not high on anyone’s priority list. The build-up to this match has been pretty lackluster in my opinion.
Andre the Giant Battle Royal – remember when they first did this, and it was touted as a major accomplishment to win? What a pile of garbage this is. Again, this exists to cram as many superstars onto an already super crowded card as possible. I would say that if you rank low enough to not even get a spot in this match, you’re not long for the WWE. I guess Strowman wins, unless the two Saturday Night Live guys screw him over somehow…what a waste of Strowman’s talents, two years in a row.
Women’s Battle Royal – see above. Asuka needs to win this, but what does winning this even prove, or matter? Just more filler on an already filled card.
There’s still a couple matches not settled on yet – neither Tag Team champions have a match as of the time of this writing. I’ll come back a week from now and see how well I picked. Enjoy the rasslin’!